my new pics

diriku dan diskriminasi

hmmm...okay so i'm deeply depressed now. and sadly to say this but i do feel that i hate myself now. okay let me tell you why. i'm involved in this Komponen Rakyat Bersepadu for the Independence Day this 30th. and been training for the last 2 months. i was previously placed right in front of the Agong, well.... i didnt ask for it. but once they have decided on which teams should be the core groups for the KRB, it turned out to be the teams from MBPJ, Dua Space, Temple of Fine Arts, Kebudayaan Selangor, Swatari, and Kebudayaan Pahang. and i ended up being at the front, just right infront of where the Agong and PM will be standing. however...after 2 months of hard training and bukan nak puji diri, tapi i memang rasanya cepat tangkap step2 KRB tu, just a day before the performance (during the full rehearsal) i was told to move to the last line... so i'll be at the back... belakang sekali. and it was only a day before the show. reason they gave me? not because i'm not good. or i cant follow the steps or whatsoeva that i can accept but just because i'm fat, and well... not so beautiful as compared to other girls...they want small, petite, good looking girls right in front of the VVIP. so they replace me with this 16-year-old who is obviously small and petite. i was so depressed, felt like i wanted to cry but i didnt. i wanted to and tahan nak menangis untul petang right after the rehearsal. such a discrimination. i was totally felt humiliated and not appreciated. kalau ikut hati memang nak blah time tu jugak....tapi pikir yg i kena habiskan jugak keje dan tinggal sehari je lagi...dan jugak takkan nak bagi diorang ambik payment i macam tu je, i tahan je la malu. so i had to learn new steps within one day. i ended up doing so many mistakes but i just dont care anymore. mampuslah. if it wasnt because of one day left, i would probably walk out from the team. you see....they dont bother if you dont get the steps or you make mistaked as long as you are pretty, and thin, you'll be forgiven and placed right in front of the VVIP. i know i didnt do any nmistakes during the rehearsal, the day before. semangat kemerdekaan yg berkobar2 telah terpadam sebab bende2 macam neih. next year, i dont think i'll be there to perform. perhaps just to enjoy the celebration.....